Sometimes I catch myself racing to the next thing and I think, “If I can just do this next thing I’ll be happy. If I can just push a little further.”
Yesterday I sat down with all my thoughts and made a list of everything I wanted growing up. To my surprise most of those things happened.
Of course I didn’t travel the world like I wanted. But I traveled around plenty of places I wanted to go.
And I’m no where near financially well off as I wanted but I have an apartment with my very own plant room, my own decoration style, and my very own comfort items.
I have little “peak through” areas of my place where my personality shines. My decorative plant stand, my paint spot, my writing corner, my kitchen where all the best foods are made, and my patio where I can listen to the birds in the morning.
I also have a partner who I wished for. Who listens to me, laughs with me, makes all the food with me, helps me clean, helps me with projects, holds me when I’m sad or cold, tells me how proud she is of me. I have a partner who I can watch TV with, travel, do crafts with, and improve with.
All these things I’ve been running trying to find and trying to feel like I did enough to deserve them. But I already have. I did. And not because all the work I put into my self and my surroundings.
I was born deserving of these things. I was born into worthiness, into godliness, into love, into being. I was birthed through gratitude.
I don’t need to earn anything. I just need to find ways to make this gift feel like home. And after many years I can finally say that I feel like home to me.
Now that I accept my gifts I can begin the process of bringing my gifts to others. This is gratitude.